Strategy #20: Cultivate your leadership charisma

Mary Kay Ash, founder of the cosmetics company bearing her name, used to tell her beauty consultants that whenever they met somebody, they should envision the letters MMFI stenciled on that person’s forehead, standing for: Make Me Feel Important. That is, I believe, the secret to developing real leadership charisma. And that’s important to loyalty – people do not desert charismatic leaders nearly as readily as they do boring leaders. Here is my own personal definition of charisma:

Charisma (noun): The ability to make other people feel special by being part of something important. 

Two of the most charismatic political leaders in our recent history were Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton. Whatever your politics, you can learn a lot by watching how these two men worked a crowd. Like all charismatic people, Reagan and Clinton shared two qualities. First, they were able to touch people (metaphorically speaking), either in large groups or one-on-one, in such a way as to create the perception of a personal connection. Anyone I’ve ever spoken with who happened to have been in the same room with either Reagan or Clinton has remarked on their ability to create the perception of sincere interest in the other person with a simple smile and handshake, and by making what at least felt like genuine eye contact.

Second, people with charisma are able to use a tiny fragment of time to create an event that makes the other person walk away feeling like something special has just happened, and they were at the center of it.  When Richard Branson (that’s Sir Richard Branson to us common folk) is speaking with one of the employees of Virgin Airlines or one of the 350 other companies in the Virgin Empire, he is in the habit of writing down their ideas on the palm of his hand (the original Palm Pilot). The man is a multi-billionaire who could certainly have an assistant following him around taking notes, but he knows that writing an employee’s suggestion on his hand will create an indelible memory – an event they will share with everyone they meet.

I begin my Spark Your Success workshop by talking about The Power of the Pen. One of the simplest and most effective ways to make someone feel special and important is to listen to what they say, then pull out your pen and ask, “That’s a great point/idea. Do you mind if I write that down?”  Try it. They’ll stand up a bit straighter and say something like this: “Sure. I’ve got more – you want to hear it?”  Special note for parents: Try this with your kids. When they come home after school and you ask what they learned today and they reply “nothing,” press them on it. Pull out a pen and write down their response. At first they might wonder what you’ve been smoking, but eventually they will realize that you are taking them seriously, and it will make them feel more special.

Charisma is not a genetic gift, it is a skill that can be consciously cultivated. If you are charisma-challenged, do something about it. Take a Dale Carnegie course or join Toastmasters. Work with a coach. Pick up Richard Greene’s book (quoted below) and learn how masters of the art perfected their skills. Listen to the companion CDs included with the book and ask yourself how you can emulate these best-of-the-best speakers (a.k.a. masters of charisma).

“When a speaker taps into his or her emotional depths and gives 100 percent of him-or herself authentically from that place, everyone feels it, everyone is touched, and a peak experience is created that will never be forgotten. And, perhaps more importantly, when a speaker taps into his or her emotional depths, a tremendous gift is given.”

Richard Greene: Words that Shook the World: 100 Years of Unforgettable Speeches and Events

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